The Horizontal Spinner Crisis: Spin to (Not) Win

With Rotator now dead and buried, joining the rest, we need to talk about the Horizontal Spinner Crisis happening in Battlebots today

Regular Season Records for Horizontal Spinners in 2021*

  • Bloodsport 2-1
  • Tombstone 2-1
  • Valkyrie 2-1
  • Icewave 2-1
  • HiJinx 2-1

Ok, not so bad right? Well, all of those robots lost their first fight, then won their next two. Here are the second opponents for each

Bloodsport: Subzero, Claw Viper

Tombstone: Mammoth, Free Shipping

Valkyrie: Pardon My French…someone else

Icewave: Deadlift, Fusion

HiJinx: Kraken, Subzero

I don’t see any playoff teams on that list. Continuing…

  • Rotator (2-0)

(The “Good One”, and the only with a victory over a playoff team in Black Dragon)

  • Malice 1-2, but did make the playoff play-in

That’s the seven that made the postseason or equivalent. There was also Blade, who was bad

  • Blade 1-2

Ok, so I could do the math, looks like these bots (assuming I didn’t miss anyone) were like 5 games over 500. Again, that sounds good! Now, how did the playoffs go?

HiJinx, suffering badly against a non-horizontal spinning robot
  • Bloodsport – lost first fight
  • Tombstone – lost first fight
  • Valkyrie – lost first fight
  • Icewave – lost first fight
  • Hijinx – lost first fight

(So far the only one that was “competitive” in their fight was Tombstone…and competitive is too strong a word.)

  • Rotator – won first fight, lost second fight
  • Malice – lost first fight

Oh wait, there’s one more. Ribbot used a horizontal spinning weapon in their first (and only) playoff match.

  • Ribbot – lost first fight

(doing the math…)

Horizontal Spinners went 1-8 in the playoffs this year. That’s 7 games under 500.

(oh, but wait, there’s more. There were two full body spinners in the playoffs that certainly spin horizontally: Captain Shrederator and Gigabyte. I wanted to keep this post simple but they certainly could have been included in the numbers. For starters – they both lost their only playoff matches! But the interesting thing is that Rotator beat Capn Shred, so really the only victory by a horizontal spinner was over another horizontal spinner!!! Hey, at least Gigabyte did pretty well)

That is all. Thank you.

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